Is Monogamy Possible?

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Now, before anyone attacks me on this (I’m assuming the topic is a little controversial), I’m just giving my opinion on the subject. I would never excuse cheating or open relationships/marriages at any point, but I’m just looking at this from an emotional point of view. I’m not trying to be “cool” by supporting western ideologies (as some people have accused me of doing), I’m just looking at it from a logical perspective.

Can we be emotionally monogamous? I don’t think so. Is this why cheating/adultery statistics are high? I think it definitely is to blame. Here are some arguments (they may be sufficient reasons to some and for others not) that argue AGAINST the concept of monogamy:

  • “No animal is 100% monogamous” – This argument concludes that we humans consequently are not “naturally” monogamous.
  • “Mating is a natural, biological instinct – hence, we are biologically driven to mate with as many partners as possible” – This addresses the subject of promiscuity in a more scientific manner.
  • “Media” – The number one culprit in almost all “societal” shifts. People blame media for exposing us to more, making us aware of more things and seducing us and making us less likely to remain faithful to one partner for the rest of our lives.
In my opinion, all these arguments are logical ones. Yes, animals aren’t 100% monogamous. Mating is most certainly biologically driven, and media has affected every aspect of our lives. HOWEVER, what is the difference between us and animals? What filter do we have in our lives that allows to make choices – whether we take something from media, or whether we listen to a biological instinct? OUR BRAINS.
While I believe we cannot be emotionally monogamous (temptations are everywhere, you always meet a better looking person, or someone you click with more than you do with your partner at some point in your life), I believe we can make the choice to be monogamous. We need to take a hard look at ourselves and the deterioration of almost all societies due to cheating. If we are honest with one another, then maybe we can at least reduce these problems (some people are just jerks, they’ll cheat no matter what).
That’s why when we choose a partner, we should never settle. I say this because I’ve seen many of my friends settle for partners they did not want out of fear they will end up alone, or out of a crazy passionate love they cannot live without despite the fact that this person is bad for them in every possible way. Don’t be ashamed of having “standards” – we have them in every other choice we make and this life-long commitment deserves them too. If you feel like you’re slipping, or becoming more attracted to someone than your own partner, re-evaluate your feelings. Sometimes, more often than not, those feelings are purely “biologically driven”. You need to look at your relationship and the reasons why you decided to be with this person, and remind yourself of why you love them. If you do not know why you love someone, or you cannot think of a reason why this partner deserves your loyalty, then I’m afraid your relationship needs re-evaluation.
I emphasize, we need to choose our partners wisely. Yes, sometimes they’ll have zillions of faults that you cannot stand, yet a zillion other characteristics you love. I’m not saying we need to select fault-less, perfect human beings as partners – those do not exist, nor should we go into a relationship believing they do. We need to realize our partners’ negatives and positives, consider if this person is the right person for you and make the choice to be with them. We will not be naturally driven to be faithful, it takes effort and a lot of work to do so. We need to resist many temptations in life, and this is just one of them. When you meet someone who you want to be with for the rest of your life, don’t ruin that for a moment of giving in to temptation.
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